Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
