alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
