Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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