Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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