plz talk dirty to me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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