Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
