I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
