I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
