Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
