Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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