I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
