I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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