I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
