I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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