The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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