i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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