frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
