I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
