go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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