Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
