I will die if light touches me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
