He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
