Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
