Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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