I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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