You really coming over, don't trick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
