So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
