You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
