I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
