Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
