i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
