Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
