she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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