Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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