do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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