Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
