went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
