So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
