Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am naked and annoyed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
