bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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