put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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