Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
