so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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