you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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