my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
