I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize