The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
