I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
