I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
