I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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