never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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