i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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