do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
