Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
