My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
