Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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