Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
