If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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