new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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