so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
