you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Houston, we have a blender
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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