You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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