just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
