I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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